I really love the concept of how people marry in the western countries.
Love is a necessity (It always is), you get married with the help of a priest or in a church wherein very close friends and relatives attend the auspicious event. Unlike our country-India, wherein it’s either arranged by your parents or a love marriage. But what really differs here is unlike a small gathering, people really feel like wasting huge sums of money and calling in distant relatives who doesn’t care what you do or not do. It’s like a burden to them too to come out to the wedding.
I am not saying our rituals are bad, they are really good. But do the rituals say anywhere you need to do exactly like this, spend this amount of money… No, they don’t…
When someone says that the western countries have the maximum divorce ratio, what they fail to tell is the reasons why it is so and why it isn’t always the case. A lot many people do live happily ever after in the western countries too. We have divorces too, it’s just that our conscious society tries really hard to hide these issues and are always forcing women to go the extra mile, and more extra and more to adjust with the man when he doesn’t do the same towards her. It’s really a torture for her, which she bears on her own, without telling anyone or getting help from anyone just because her parents are no more her’s. She is now adopted by her in-laws who sometimes think of her as getting a free maid for life.
A heartless concept is dowry. Now, people have turned really smart saying that we don’t go for it. But in really, when they go to look for a match for their son, the thing they ask for judging the match is- How much are her parents willing to spend on the marriage and is she working too.
If she works, that is her income. Her in-laws and husband, don’t have a say in what she do with that. No one has a say in that apart from her. As a husband(man), you can give her a suggestion on what can she do with it, but in the end, it’s all on her.
Now some of you may question me that what about the husband’s income then. The wife shouldn’t have a say in that, too. Unlike a woman, you are not the adopted one mister, she is. She is the one who left everything for you. She came to you to be your best-friend for life. All she asks for is happiness in return, not money. I have never seen a lady eating currency notes, did you.
A woman loses a lot when she marries someone. A home where she lived since she was born, a mother, a father, siblings and possessions too. Marrying someone is like going for a new job at a new place. Everything is different. You are being judged now on how you behave and entertain people.
Boys parents, please treat her like you own child. Don’t make her feel any less. It hard being a women, a wife, a mother at that, too. It’s not easy to bear a child. Not easy at all.
The man is still the same. Parents remain the same, home remain the same, everything is as usual. But, don’t you think that if you expect your wife to treat your parents as her own, you should do the same to your in-laws as well.
When your parents ask someone on how much a girl’s parents going to spend on the wedding, is it not your moral obligation to stop them then and there… to tell them I want a best friend for life, not free money for life.
It’s just because the current generation too doesn’t go against this, that such a thing is still prevalent.
Some parents may even comment that even if you don’t ask, the girl’s parents say they would spend so and so, give so and so. So, didn’t you stop them, like we don’t want anything else apart from the girl. She is all we want to take from you, nothing else. You are already taking bribe, just like how they do in some of the government organisations. If you want this work done, this is the rate to get things done fast or be done at all.
If anyone is concerned about status, note that status means SHIT. A big house means nothing if you don’t have a need of that big a house. A 1 or so crore car means nothing if you are fine with a cheaper one. One day extravaganza at the marriage ceremony won’t make people remember you for life. So, please drop that. If a boy’s parents want status, they can spend on it on their own…
Please don’t ask or demand for anything else. And if possible, please give her time to adjust. Initial years of marriage can turn out really bad for her when no-one is there to help her out.
Girl’s parents, please ask your daughter what she wants to do and use your money to help her in that. I know it would be hard to find a match fast. But, try doing this. This world is not composed of just bad people. Do this and make others change their view.
Boy’s parents, please view marriage as adopting a new child. (When you adopt a child, you just take the child or do you ask the foster home for money, too? No, you don’t). Plus, you even try to give an adopted child more love than you possibly would your own child. Please do that. Change the way you view marriage.
So, please try to understand that marriage is not a child’s play, someone is losing something, someone is gaining something. Let this gain not be of money or possessions.
We are better than this. We are humans. We are next to GOD. So, behave like that. It’s a humble request.
The line below is a general statement for everyone…
Why do we always fail to understand that we are not perfect…Our culture is not 100% perfect…No one is… So, please be more hooman…please…and treat everyone the same…